Feeling a Bit Off Track

Over the past week, I started training for my summer job as an orientation advisor. This blog post isn’t about that though. It’s about how I feel a little disoriented due to the fact that my days are no longer planned to the tee.

If you know me well enough, you would know that I’m in love with my Passion Planner, an agenda that keeps me organized in my schedule, in my to-do list and in my own personal goals. This summer, I had set a few personal goals for myself. They were to learn some coding skills, keep my blog relevant and to go to the gym. (Plus, I want to go outside!) Additionally, I have teams and projects that I am a part of. I am working in the public relations department for a hackathon, the communications department for Texas Belles EPO and more.

However, ever since I was given the gift of free time after work, I haven’t been on my A-game exactly. I haven’t even opened my planner in a week…like, who am I? Where did the organized Sabrina go?

I don’t exactly have the liberty of instilling a routine like I did during the semester. Each work day has different hours and different responsibilities that ultimately result in different levels of energy at the end of it all. I always imagined that I would have more time to achieve my personal goals with a full time job compared to being in school, but that is not the case. It is just as hard.

Ok, so new plan. I don’t want to let this new way of life stop me. Just because I don’t have a routine does not give me the excuse to slack off this summer. I have goals that I actually want to work toward, and that means that I need to adapt.

First things first, I need to face my fears and open my planner. (To me, not looking at my planner for a week is like not looking at a group message for a week. You open it to find a multitude of things you don’t quite understand. Then you feel so overwhelmed and wonder if you should even bother to read all 102 missed messages.) I need to break out my pens and highlighters and get to work. I need to brainstorm and doodle and visualize what’s going on in my world.

Secondly, I can’t expect everything to be perfect. I’m not going to be able to live according to a rigid schedule. Instead, I’ll have to be able to go with the flow while making sure that I still tackle my goals whenever I get the chance. I have to build up my own personal will power to work in my free time. I can’t always view free time as break time.

All of that being said, I need to take care of myself. This DOES NOT MEAN that I sacrifice my health for the sake of my ambitions. There has to be a balance, somehow.

Lastly, I need to remember why I’m doing all of this. I find that I work best when I feel as though I have a purpose, something to drive me. Most times it’s my future, other times it’s my faith, sometimes a mixture of both. But simply stating that I have a reason to do something is never enough for me.

I need my passions to give me feeling.

I want my bones to feel rattled and my skin to get chills just thinking of what I am doing for myself and for the world at large. It’s like when I watch dance videos. You can practically feel their muscles stretching to the utmost extent, connecting every part of the body into one fluid motion. It is art taking human form.

The reason that I want to learn to code is so that I can be skilled in a career that combines technical work with humanity. Journalism today is evolving to better serve the public. In order for me to reach the public better and to deliver the truth that will help them make choices and change the world, I need to be better for them. I need to be able to make the news easier to access, whether it be through a cellphone or by asking Alexa.

I want to keep my blog relevant because it makes me happy. When I publish a new post, I get a sense of accomplishment, knowing that I took my thoughts, translated them into words (isn’t it beautiful how interpreters are the translators of languages but writers are the translators of the mind?) and shared them with people. I can see the statistics, how many people read my blog, how they read my blog, and where in the world they read my blog. Sometimes it shows that people in Asia read my blog, and it boggles my mind knowing that I’m impacting someone on the other side of the world.

You probably don’t feel what I’m feeling right now, that drive. Or maybe you do (the goal is that you do but I understand if you don’t). Either way, my blood feels like it’s moving for the first time in a long time (even though it has only been about a week since I’ve written anything). It feels good.



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